yet another interesting chart

.

let us pause in our merciless attack on the brainless left and scrutinize the teabaggers for a minute: waving their misspelled signs and screaming for limited government and fiscal restraint, you could almost forget that most of 'em no doubt cheered on the idiot bush as he trampled our civil liberties and spent us from surplus into bankruptcy whilst waging his stupid, pointless wars--but only almost.

where do most conservatives wanna cut?  as the above chart makes clear (courtesy of the american national election studies), it's simple:  foreign aid and welfare.

the problem, you teabaggers, is that foreign aid and welfare account for less than 1% and 6% of our annual budget, respectively--a mere drop in the bucket.

the other 93%--social security, the military, medicare, childcare, science/technology, education, border security, infrastructure?  no way, jose--less than 15% of self-identified conservatives would condone cutting any of those.

in other words, you pussies, you're just as pro big-government as the lefties you pretend to deplore.

[me?  gimme the budget, a red pencil, a half-gallon of vodka and a long weekend and we'd be back in the black, goddammit.]

i know this'll come as a shock to--well, nobody

so today i'm reading through joe stack's suicide manifesto and thinking, "hell, except for the crazy parts, i coulda written most of this."

hey, there's always north dakota

ever wonder why so many of the most highly-taxed [i.e., liberal] states are also among the most broke?  i mean, you think with all that tax money flowing in they'd be goddam utopias, right?

here's what newly-elected new jersey governor chris christie recently had to say about one of the biggest reasons in his first state of the state address:

One state retiree, 49 years old, paid, over the course of his entire career, a total of $124,000 towards his retirement pension and health benefits. What will we pay him? $3.3 million in pension payments over his life and nearly $500,000 for health care benefits, a total of $3.8 million on a $120,000 investment. Is that fair?

A retired teacher paid $62,000 towards her pension and nothing--yes, nothing--for full family medical, dental and vision coverage over her entire career. What will we pay her? $1.4 million in pension benefits and another $215,000 in health care benefit premiums over her lifetime. Is it "fair" for all of us and our children to have to pay for this excess?

[emphasis mine]

in other words, it's the same thing that killed GM and chrysler--unions [in this case, state-worker unions] and their entitlements run amuck.

i mean, jesus god, i work for a private company that contributes a little to my 401k every year, and matches a percentage of my contributions each year, but the day i retire, like most americans, i'm on my own.  can somebody please splain me why i should be expected to work until i'm 80 to support the lavish early retirement of  hordes of fat-ass 55-year-old polyester-clad government cubicle-workers [and their families] for the rest of their miserable lives?

the answer, of course, is there is no good reason; these millions of state workers enjoy these obscene benefits because of decades of political payoffs to their unions by corrupt politicians every election cycle in exchange for their support.

is it "fair?"  of course it's not fair, but that doesn't matter--the politicians have locked their states into these contracts whether the hapless electorate they were supposed to have been looking out for like it or not.

california's governer schwarzenegger had this to say about his [my] state's predicament:

The cost for state employee pensions is up 2,000 percent in the last ten years, while revenues have only increased by 24 percent. The pension fund will not have enough money to cover this amount, so the state — that means the taxpayer — has to come up with the money.

what he fails to mention is that all of these pension funds have lost an average of 40% of their value in the last two years since most of them were heavily invested in AIG-style derivatives, leaving the shortfall even greater.

is this a sustainable model?  of course not, and it's not gonna get any better--as taxes continue to rise in these states to pay for all this foolishness, the businesses and middle-class taxpayers who are expected to foot the bill as they always have will continue to flee to more responsibly-managed states.

i can see this fiasco playing out in one of two ways (because the problem is too big for any government bail-out):  either the taxpayers will revolt, or the states will default. either way, the pension funds upon which millions of past and present state workers rely will most assuredly go broke.

and as for the folks who don't have the good sense to get outta these states while the getting's still good?  well, they can look forward to, as the chinese say, most interesting times.

some valentine's day gifts were never meant to be DIY

came across this story tonight and laughed, because i'm pretty sure i know exactly where sandra came up with the idea.

see, a few years ago, my baby sister the producer was doing a story on jayne mansfield for one of the cable networks.  unable to find anybody alive who had known her well and/or was willing to talk, she in desperation drove out to palm springs with a crew to interview jayne's by-then ancient former hairdresser on the off chance he might be able to give her something.

old queen turned out to be a treasure trove of information:  among many other things, he told her--on camera--that, in preparation for giving herself to a man for the first time, the pink goddess would always have him trim her pubic hair into the shape of a heart and dye it her signature color.

while this little tidbit never made it into america's living rooms, trust me--it made the industry rounds in no time.

i guess if there's a moral to this story, it's that it's a shame actresses don't rely on their hairdressers like they used to.

the homosexuals

been tryin to figure out where that last post came from, and then i remembered my recent exposure to the following:



watching it, it all came back--my surreptitous neo-adolescent visitations to the library tryin to figure out what the fuck was wrong with me, reading the bullshit in scholarly tomes and prematurely consigning myself to hell.

because back then, all you could find on the subject was shit like this--and, of course, this.

can't you see?  i was doomed.

towelhead

[don't ask where this one came from--couldn't possibly be the vodka]

the grownups used to tell endless stories about that brief period in mkf's early childhood when he insisted on having a washcloth or dishrag on his head at all times--none of 'em could figure it out, but they all agreed it was hilarious.

i've since debated whether i should tell my mother it was probably just my inner girl tryin to come out, but decided instead to let her cling to whatever's left of her illusions.

but here's the message for the rest of you who still don't get it:  we are born, not made.

sober update:  just for balance, here's one from the same roll in which mkf is obviously workin his inner boi:

and yes i was sweet, dammit.

because it's lonely in the modern world

.
i have no reverence for most shelter rags--architectural digest, metropolitan home, elle decor, better homes, whatever--i flip through 'em quickly, tear out the one or two pages of interest and toss the rest.

dwell, of course, is different--each pristine, archival-quality edition of that purist paean to the harsh goddess of modern architecture is given the white-glove treatment from the moment it hits my mailbox in its protective plastic sheath until, once carefully perused, it's reverently slipped into the bookcase alongside its predecessors.

and never mind that the goddam things are multiplying like tribbles and taking over--they're just too pretty and perfect to rip to shreds, right?

apparently, not everyone sees it that way:







all the grim pomposity of the modernist ethos turned on its head--fuckin' priceless.

there's something in unhappy hipsters' ruthless skewering of dwell and all it represents for everyone--if you despise modern architecture, every bitingly re-captioned photograph is validation; if on the other hand you're a disciple, you get to chuckle knowingly and imagine yourself inside the joke.

win-win, right?