the great thing about limited readership is that you can post shit like this

so today i find out that a week ago my little brother gave up almost two-thirds of the blood in his body via his asshole before his wife managed to get him to the hospital, and then several inches of his colon shortly thereafter.

what does it say about me, my relationship with my brother--hell, our whole fucked-up family--that i know that tomorrow i'll have to take two vicodin [for you novices: two vicodin = all the fuzzy warmth imparted by ten ounces of alcohol with none of the slur] half an hour before i can even begin to bring myself to pick up the goddam phone to call his hospital room and tell him i'm glad he's still alive?

[that was a rhetorical question, btw]

update: turns out i exaggerated--i was able to do it on one.

so why is huckabee still in?

[so i'm over at bill in exile, commenting away on a provocative question scott posted as to whether mike huckabee's been lying in wait for this mccain story to break, when all of a sudden it hits me that (a) i have sorely neglected mr. huckabee here at guttermorality; and (b) fuck, this is content, and now that i've got a blog to fill what the hell am i doing wasting all this goodness elsewhere?

so, in light of the foregoing (and because i have fuck-all to post right now) i am hereby reproducing said comment here in its entirety.]

could be [that huckabee's still in it for the win]–-rumors of this story have apparently been floating around since december. but i don't think the possibility of snatching the crown from mccain is what's keeping the huckster in the race (as evidence of same, I point to the fact that, at the moment, he's too preoccupied with whoring himself out for advertising and paid speaking in the caribbean to even bother campaigning all that hard); more likely, he's still in because what the hell else is he gonna do, go back to penny-ante preaching? no way, baby–-this is his fifteen minutes and he's smart enough to not only know it, but to milk it for all it's worth.

right now, i see huckabee as the political equivalent of a hungry dog hanging around under the kitchen table with his mouth open for whatever scraps may fall his way–-he's betting that if he makes a big enough splash, then when this is all over he can parlay his notoriety into a lucrative gig either in the mccain administration or on the lecture circuit (or if he's really lucky, both).

and the sad thing is, i think there are more than enough idiots out there to make his dreams come true.

when they said you look like a 36-year-old alcoholic, i don't think they meant her

as somebody who tends to undersell himself, i've always been mystified and fascinated by the apparently bottomless capacity for self-delusion that seems to characterize so much of humanity.

latest case in point: 21-year-old lindsay lohan's apparent belief that she is the rightful successor to marilyn monroe--and her decision to communicate that belief to the world by recreating monroe's last photo-shoot.

i mean, talk about the answer to a question that nobody asked:






go here to see the train wreck in its entirety.

so why is she losing?

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of the two remaining democratic candidates, i totally prefer hillary clinton--she's far more seasoned and policy-savvy, her more pragmatic brand of liberalism goes down a little easier, and my feeling is she'd be much stronger on the world stage than mr. obama.

but i knew she'd never go the distance--in fact, i put my money where my mouth was over a year ago (and i think as my winnings i'll take dinner at l'orangerie, angela. thanks for playing, and remember--never bet against the kid).

see, i've talked to a lot of people about hillary over the years, and although the vast majority of them say they can't stand her, they're almost always hard-pressed to tell me exactly why.

but i have my theory about why she's such a "polarizing figure", and it's really not all that complicated: no matter how qualified she might be, hillary clinton is cursed with that stiff, aggrieved persona which can only be achieved by a woman who's been married to a philandering bastard for 35 years; the knowledge that she has absolutely nothing in common with the women her husband actually likes to fuck has come to permeate her being--hell, it radiates off of her--and it just flat creeps too many people out. as a friend of mine once put it, "as soon as she opens her mouth, i start getting the same feeling i get when my wife catches me doing something wrong."

and against the effortless charm of a rock star like barack? she never stood a chance.

yeah i know it's awful

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but, despite all the horror surrounding last week's shootings at northern illinois university at dekalb, the image that hit me the hardest--the one i just can't get outta my mind--is that fucking winged ear of corn.

so, fine, i ordered a t-shirt--what's your point?

i guess idi amin was unavailable

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ok, am i the only one who finds this hysterical?

africa, long-renowned for its rarefied, discriminating taste in leaders, has apparently clasped ol' W to its collective bosom--and he, oblivious as always of irony (among the myriad of things of which he is oblivious), is soaking it up with the fervor of a die-hard lush tasting booze after a long dry spell.

enjoy the love while it lasts, georgie--sooner or later, you gotta come home.