the whole romney thing

i've chosen not to write about mitt romney until now--nothing more than a dispassionate, superficial recitation of his electibility issues will be found on this blog, nor have i ever even commented on him in any substantive way anywhere else.

there's a sad and simple reason for this: cynic that i may be, and as unbelievable as it may now seem, i somehow allowed this guy to sneak past my defenses and break my political heart. i still feel like a fool and it fucking kills me to admit i was taken in any politician, but now that he's outta the race i feel the need to lance this boil that's been festering inside me for lo these many months.

believe it or not, i once had high hopes for romney--he was the one that was gonna make me believe again. i've watched him for years--long before he was even a blip on the national radar--and he got my attention, as no other politician in recent memory has, for the following reasons:

• unlike most scions of successful politicians (i.e., al gore, g. w. bush, any third-generation kennedy you wanna name), romney wasn't some mediocrity who managed to coast his way into prominence on daddy's reputation--this guy not only succeeded on his own in the private sector, he did so brilliantly.
• he's proven himself time after time to be a competent, capable executive with a knack for walking into complex situations that are broken and fixing them.
• he's a highly-disciplined, focused individual who has lived a clean, scandal-free life, thrived within the confines of an extremely demanding religion, remained happily married to his high-school sweetheart and raised five productive and (to all appearances) non-wastrel sons (and yes, virginia, even though i may myself be a degenerate, i still look for indications of character in my politicians--and unlike most i can think of who simply talk the talk, romney has actually walked it).
  
• as a republican governor of arguably the most liberal state in the union, he proved to be a progressive problem-solver who not only balanced his adopted state's budget, but, with bipartisan support (including that of ted kennedy), forged the nation's first workable statewide universal healthcare plan.
• he has repeatedly demonstrated the ability--almost unheard-of in a politician--to put aside personal bias and ideology on any given issue and instead collect and focus on the relevant data in order to most optimally address whichever problem crossed his path.
• despite his fiscal pragmatism, to all appearances he has always been a social progressive.

so when he announced his intention to run for president, i not only welcomed it--hell, i'd been counting the days--i jumped for what passes in me for joy, because of all the potential candidates of either party, he was the only one i thought might possess the skill-set necessary to have even a chance at fixing all the fucking messes we're in.

and then he opened his mouth and started talking, and the dream just...well, it died a slow agonizing death.

see, i guess i'm an idiot, because i, in my naivete, just assumed the guy would run on his actual fucking record--that he'd position himself as a moderate problem-solving consummate-executive republican with the most actual real-world experience and cross-party appeal of any of the candidates; i mean, it never even in my wildest dreams occurred to me that romney would try to rewrite history and, in a pathetically futile effort to pander to the evangelicals who would despise him as a heathen no matter what, position himself as the goddam conservative choice, for chrissakes.

additionally, it really shook me that a man i had seen as principled could seemingly abandon those principles with such ease--i mean, was he lying about his values and beliefs back when he was running for governor of massachusetts, or was he lying about them now?

at first, finding it hard to let go of the dream (especially in light of my choice of alternatives), i tried to excuse, equivocate and rationalize (ok, fine--it doesn't really matter what he has to say in order to get elected because they all lie; all that matters is what he ultimately does), but i could only stomach that for so long--and then, as i watched him choke in the debates when even i coulda taken his pathetic competition down with one hand tied behind my back, i had to come to the painful conclusion that this guy, for all his skills and accomplishments, doesn't have what it takes after all.

in fact, i feel that i can say without qualification that the only smart decision mitt romney has made since electing to enter the race is electing to get out.

it's been a bitter pill for me to swallow--made even harder by the certain knowledge that any alternative to him you can name is even worse.

[and a final note to governor romney: if in your next life you choose to launch your craven conservative-republican presidential campaign from a position of state governor, you might wanna try doing it from--oh i dunno--how about your home state of michigan, where (a) you'd easily be elected governor, and (b) you might actually have a chance of representing as an actual conservative--i mean, christ, did you seriously think you could pull this off coming outta everything you said to get yourself elected in massachusetts?!]

a love letter

[i apologize for the untimeliness of this post, but since (a) i stumbled in last friday night way too shitfaced to write this when it sorely needed to be written; (b) somebody just tonight reminded me of how infuriated i was about this last week; and (c) i presently find myself at precisely the optimal stage of drunkenness to attempt to do the subject justice, please allow me to introduce the following for your delectation.]

to caroline kennedy schlossberg kennedy, maria kennedy shriver kennedy schwarzenegger kennedy, and [insert your choice of wastrel rfk scion here]:

please, once and for all, shut the fuck up already--i can't begin to tell you how goddam tired i (and anybody else of my generation with half a brain) am of you, who--having done nothing and deserving even less, continue your tiresome habit of (a) coasting on your family name, and (b) dragging your dead father and/or uncle out in support of [insert name of unworthy candidate here], when in reality you have no idea if, were they actually still alive, they'd have supported any of them.

case in point: seriously, caroline--had you the volition and/or intellectual capacity to reference actual history rather than brainless emotion, even you would realize that, fiscally speaking, your daddy was effing ronald reagan compared to the likes of barack obama (oh, and for the record he wasn't even that crazy about black people either, your father--just ask sammy davis jr., who worked hard on his campaign and then as a reward for his efforts was pretty much told the only way he was gonna get into the inaugural ball was if he put on a waiter's jacket)--but of course, were you willing to look at things rationally, you'd lose not only your credibility but your very raison d'etre--and god knows that'll never happen long as you're still drawing breath, so i guess we can look forward to many more profound political pronouncements and endorsements from you on behalf of your father for countless years to come.

[and, truth be told, i'm not nearly as angry at you as i am at my fellow idiot americans who, against any and all reason, even now continue to be swayed whenever somebody with a pulse named kennedy opens their goddam yap--but hey, anger needs a focus, so indulge me a minute.]

[and further: note that i've omitted from this tirade any reference to the sole remaining viable second-generation kennedy--but then again, anybody who'd take seriously a guy who'd spend eighteen precious hours calculating damage to his political future rather than trying to save some poor girl who might still be gulping breaths of increasingly-stale air in the back seat of his submerged oldsmobile is so far beyond the scope of this discussion as to not even be worth consideration.]

the dems have their heads up their collective ass

[once again, i'm thinking that i'm a much better commenter than blogger--i.e., reaction seems to come more easily to me than action. case in point: this comment i just made to yet one more hillary v. obama post--hell, maybe this blog should consist of nothing more than a collection of my comments on other peoples' blogs.]

democrats can (and well may) argue back and forth about this all the way up to the convention, but what they're apparently oblivious to is the very real possibility that, when it comes down to voting time, the vast pool of independents that will determine the outcome of this election will--especially given the indecision of the dems themselves--turn its collective back on either/or the black guy with the funny name/the bitch with all the baggage, and opt instead for the perceived safety of daddy war-hero.

it really amazes me--the democrats are fighting this little battle among themselves as if the electorate-at-large will inevitably see it as they do: namely, that no matter which candidate they ultimately pick, it's just a given that he/she is inherently superior to anything the other side has to offer.

and i'm here to tell them that that's not a given at all--and that if they really wanna win in november, the dems had better get united behind one candidate and start fighting the bigger fight (and if you don't believe me, go read what howard dean's been saying lately--he totally gets it).

understand: i'm speaking here not as a liberal but as an independent fiscal conservative who, regardless of how much it pains him, is totally backing whoever the dems finally settle upon (which, if nothing else, should tell you how much the prospect of a mccain presidency scares me--and damn well should scare you).

[and yeah, i promise the "why mccain should scare you at least as much as he does me" post will be coming soon]

it's chilly in hell today

if anybody had ever told me that a situation would arise in which, short of having a gun held to my head, i would in sound mind and of my own volition cast a vote for hillary rodham clinton, i would've laughed in their face.

well, never say never.

[and for those among my legion of readers who are on pins and needles awaiting my penetrating analysis of john mccain: sorry, life has intervened--i'll get it out tomorrow]