[it was probably the back-and-forth with noblesavage in my previous post that prompted my subconscious to cough up this particular mental hairball tonight--and as always, alcohol helped.]
so i'm over at his place for, like, the third or fourth time. unusual in my world to see anybody more than twice, but he's just so goddam beautiful--skin taut, smooth and that perfect shade of rosy-brown, and his hair--no matter how many times i run my hands through it, it always settles back into model-quality tousled perfection.
and the sex? that's good, too--so good, in fact, that on that third, or fourth [whatever--trust me, there won't be a fifth] night, i make a sufficient mess of both him and myself that a mere towel-off ain't gonna do; we have to jump in the shower.
he gets out first, tosses me a towel and then i get out, glance up--and freeze in horror.
you know how you get used to your naked reflection in your own mirror at home, and learn to reflexively present yourself to your best advantage whenever you're in front of it so that you're always at least content with the way you look?
well lemme tell ya, all those self-serving delusions go out the window when you look up and suddenly find yourself in a strange, new fluorescent-lighted bathroom whose corner-mounted mirrors give you a totally new and unwelcome perspective on your advancing middle age.
since i try not to delude myself about shit, and as hard as it is to do, i stand there under the glow of the merciless blue-white light, turn left and right in front of these hostile, alien mirrors and absorb the blow of this unexpected new reality as best i can.
holy shit, it's happened--it's over; i'm fuckin' old.
after a few minutes, he calls out, "what are you doing in there?" i snap out of it, drop my towel, walk out to join him. he pulls me into his arms and i ask him, incredulously, "you really wanna put your arms around me?"
he laughs and pulls me closer.
[for what it's worth, this particular incident happened almost ten years ago; only thing that's really changed since then is, i make it a point to not look at myself in strange mirrors anymore--you'd probably do well to do the same.]
