of course, i knew i'd end up going

.

it takes a lot to impress my jaded ass, but today hollywood suit outlet delivered.

within five minutes of walking through the door of this legendary establishment and into the capable hands of a salesman who's obviously heard my story a thousand times, i have the right suit [a cashmere/wool blend, no less] along with a decent 100% cotton shirt and appropriately somber tie, belt and socks--all for the package price of two hundred bucks.


he then sends me back to his tailor, and half an hour and twenty dollars later, all alterations are done and i find myself back out on hollywood boulevard with a suit-bag slung over my shoulder asking lucille ball's star why all my retail experiences can't be like this.

a few quick cuts

.

who knew he was a philosopher?

word travels fast

so yesterday as i was idling on my barcalounger in my torn undershirt swilling beer outta the can and watching jerry springer, i got a call from a former colleague who'd heard the news, asking me if i'd be interested in a rare, serendipitous opening at his current firm--i threw together a resume and interviewed with him and his boss this morning.

considering it was my first formal interview in over twenty years [i always just seem to fall into shit], i think it went well.  good gig, too--they offer it to me, i'll probably grab it.

could somebody stop this woman, please?

i swore to god i'd never dignify this dumb bitch with another inch of blogspace ever again, but every time i turn around, her payday just seems to exponentially grow.

seriously, is there no end to the degree to which america will reward telegenic vacuity?

[never mind--that's a rhetorical question]



and then, there's this

they took my uncle don off life-support this morning.  the funeral's monday, and not only am i not going, i will totally be conspicuous by my absence.

my mother and sister will, as always, act as apologists on my behalf, but the general consensus among the surviving family members [especially his children] will probably be,"yeah, he was more than happy to fly to tulsa back when the money was flowing, but he couldn't be bothered to make the trip when it came time to pay his last respects."

fuck 'em--i'll be raising a glass to him in my own goddam way.

[and yeah, this is the way mkf buries shit--alone and down at the bottom]

why i'm a cynic

.

[part 1 in what'll probably be a series--and yeah i know this post has nothing to do with what's going on in the life of mkf right now but it's what i wanna talk about tonight so read it anyway]

see that group of smiling idiots up there--have you ever seen a more staged picture in your life?  they're smiling because they think their recent discovery is actually gonna change things.

see, this group of princeton researchers just found out that

male rats given water sweetened with high-fructose corn syrup in addition to a standard diet of rat chow gained much more weight than male rats that received water sweetened with table sugar, or sucrose, in conjunction with the standard diet.

as interesting as that might be, it's the next sentence in the paragraph that's the grabber:

The concentration of sugar in the sucrose solution was the same as is found in some commercial soft drinks, while the high-fructose corn syrup solution was half as concentrated as most sodas.

which would make high-fructose corn syrup (HFCS), what--twice, three times as fattening as sugar?

but the other reason these idiots are smiling--and the reason for this post--is because they think that what they've discovered is new.

the truth is, from the day HFCS was introduced into the food supply over 40 years ago, endless variations of this experiment have been carried out and reported in countless scholastic venues with similar results, only to be buried--just like this one will be.

meanwhile, americans just get fatter and sicker by the year while the pundits and politicians scratch their heads in puzzlement and make a great show of wondering why.

in a perfect [or even reasonable] world, here's what would happen:

1. this study by a reputable university would garner the attention of at least one national news source which, recognizing the implications to the health of all fat-ass americans everywhere, would report it on its front page;
 
2. other media outlets would pick up the story and broadcast it far and wide;
 
3. the resulting public outrage would cause our politicians in washington to hold hearings and commission blue-ribbon panels which would ultimately result in the banning of HFCS from the food supply; and
 
4. americans everywhere, regardless of what they stuffed in their mouths, would immediately start getting thinner--and consequently, healthier.

of course, none of this'll happen, because (a) the lobbyists for the giant food conglomerates like monsanto and archer daniels midland who produce this cheap corn-based sugar substitute will take care of the politicians; while (b) the ad agencies for corporations like kraft and coca-cola who buy this cheap corn-based sugar substitute will keep the media in line--not to mention that (c) corn-based iowa is where every presidential candidate of each party first lines up to get his dick measured in each primary season.

which is why this princeton study that every american should see will never see the light of day.

*     *     *     *     *

politicians would have you believe the issues are complicated, when they're really not.

healthcare, shmealthcare--these bastards claim they're fighting for your health, while they take the money and give a pass to the corporations who are destroying it.

don't believe me?  fine--look for this princeton study to show up in the new york times, cnn or good morning america in the next week or two, and then get back to me.