from baja oklahoma (a favored book of my youth), dan jenkins' immortal "ten stages of drunkenness":
1. Witty and Charming
2. Rich and Powerful
3. Benevolent
4. Clairvoyant
5. Fuck Dinner
6. Patriotic
7. Crank up the Enola Gay
8. Witty and Charming, Part II
9. Invisible
10. Bulletproof
* * * * *
back during the arab oil embargo of the '70s, i'd sit in his big, white living room and listen into the night as my dead father's brother, also an oilman--a man who bought his brother's widow a fine house and several cars, and would put all of said brother's orphans through college--waved his highball glass and regaled me with tales of, among other things, how he and his petroleum club buddies planned to put together an army of mercenaries to go in and take the saudi arabian oilfields back from those ungrateful, primitive towelheads who had so recently and unceremoniously thrown them out.
with the wisdom gained by hindsight (and lots of alcohol), i now realize he was merely at stage 7.
sorry, uncle d--if i'd been old enough to drink with you back then, maybe we'd still be speaking now.
8 comments:
Oddly enough, I can name one religious right--you know, the ones who claim to be conservative?--brother-in-law who couldn't be bothered to take care of his brother's widow.
Yes, that would be my very own asshole-in-law.
It's funny how he can quote verse after verse yet has trouble with that one that calls for the brother-in-law to take care of the brother's widow.
Well, the spirit of the dead is resting in alcohol induced peace, coz are boys are over there right now...
How can there be 10 stages of drunkenness without my own favorite -- stupor.
Well, there are more than a few conservatives I know that feel they have a personal obligation to help those less fortunate and put their money there to prove it...while a number of limo liberals don't give nearly as much to charity.
But, back to drinking, your uncle seems like a man who would drink alone. Children don't count in my book. Being a social drinker, I've always been mistrustful of people who get snockered all by themselves.
Noblesavage: I can't help but wonder if you're being purposely obtuse or if it's just a natural state of being for yourself.
Heh! I know these are pretty accurate for most people, but, I have to say, those stages don't line up with me at all. Especially "fuck dinner". Well, I actually try to do the eating and stuff before the drinking so it all works out.
Judi:
Obtuse? I'll drink to that.
Atari: I find that eating AND drinking simultaneously alleviates two problems:
1. getting shitfaced too fast and puking
2. unnecessary conversation at the family dinner table.
judi: actually, not that odd--there are lots of assholes on that end of the spectrum; sorry your in-law is one of 'em.
luis: oh, he's still very much alive--and while i'd actually appreciate his inside-oil take on the war (because i know he knows shit most of us merely suspect), the fact that we haven't spoken in, like, 22 years makes that an unlikely prospect at best.
noblesavage: i (and presumably dan) see "stupor" as more of a consequence of drunkenness, rather than an actual stage thereof. and you're right about the left and right re: charity--in fact, that may end up as a future post. as far as my uncle drinking alone--nah, he never did; that's my department.
and, finally, atari: from all appearances, you would seem to be ruled by snow white's "3 stages of drunkenness:"
1. happy
2. dopey
3. sleepy
and, god, do i envy you that.
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