the soda incident

so the other day i slide into my cubicle and open outlook to find a firmwide email from the managing partner describing in great detail the actions of an anonymous malefactor who lurks among us.

seems late the night before, some sociopath had stolen into the downstairs kitchen, removed a can of soda from the fridge and released its compressed, carbonated contents in such a way as to liberally spatter with same the walls, ceiling and most every other surface therein--and then, no doubt cackling evilly, blithely exited stage left without so much as a call to service, much less any attempt to clean it up.

i ponder this email and its implications--you know, a firm awash in suspicion, fingers of silent accusation pointing everywhere, an increasingly corrosive atmosphere of mutual mistrust in which morale plummets, performance suffers, clients leave in droves and, ultimately, bankruptcy--and know that someone will have to fall on the sword for the good of all.

with this in mind, i sigh, hit "reply".

i wasn't fired, but i probably shoulda been--not so much for the incident as for the egregious pleonasm resulting therefrom.

"guilty culprit"--seriously, mkf?

breaking news

the hunt is over--you'll be relieved to know that, after a painstaking search, the upgrade for the ill-fated carlos 4 may have been found.

lest you dismiss this as a trivial matter, understand that not just any common, garden-variety carlos is invited to join the elite squad of signed and numbered guttermorality-grade carloses (hell, if i didn't have standards, i'd be well into double digits by now).

but this boy?  in addition to meeting and exceeding all the basic requirements, he possesses that rare, intangible je ne sais quoi that has always moved me for reasons i can't quite define.

study the following carefully, see if you can discern for yourself his subtle appeal.

and yeah i know i'm going to hell when i die--what's your point?

i agree with the fuckweasel

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so, featured on joe.my.god the other day under the headline O'Reilly:  Glee Will Make Kids Gay was the following clip:

i watched, and, as expected, nowhere did o'reilly even come close to saying he thought glee would make kids gay; his point, ham-handed as it was, was that kids tend to be influenced by the messages with which the popular culture chooses to bombard them, which could result in their experimenting with things they might otherwise not.

well, no shit, i thought.

there was a bigger point he coulda made, but he didn't.  so i decided to.

is this a good thing or a bad thing?  that's open to debate, but the fact that this phenomenon has held true for most every society that has ever tolerated homosexuality is undeniable to any student of history, so why should ours be different?  the more thoughtful among us know this well, but most are generally cowed into silence by fear of the overwhelming shit-storm of denial, ridicule and accusations of hate-speech that'd be rained down upon them by the GLAAD and PC mafia (most of whom damn well know it, too) if they dared even bring it up for discussion.  

and then there are the unreflective and/or stupid among us, who tend to react to any suggestion that there might be another side to their cherished little coin more like this:

from now on, when asked why i generally choose to isolate from the gay "community", instead of a long-winded explanation, maybe i'll just hand 'em a copy of this post.  because, aside from sexual preference, i might as well be from another planet for all i have in common with these people.