.
[this introspective crap is not a trend, i promise--back to the same ol' shit soon.]
and you wanna hear something even crazier--i've been sober.
you heard me right, bitches--i haven't had a drink [except for the two watered-down cape cods at the straight bar on friday night, but that was just to be social] in a goddam week.
after the excesses of last week--and some ugly truths made evident thereby--i needed to clear my head, get some perspective, maybe prove i could do it.
and over the course of this past week, i've thought a lot, written a little (shit that'll never see the light of day here, and you can thank god for that), and tried to make sense of why, when i've never, ever had a problem with alcohol--even through my young, dumb years--it's happening to me now.
and i think i have a pretty good idea, but i can't really explain it in a way that's gonna make any sense to anybody but me, so i'm not even gonna try (at least, not right now--maybe later, if i'm feeling extra-confessional).
what i do want to do is express my appreciation to all of you who weighed in on my last post--i've gone back and read those comments several times this week (see, i can't really talk too much about this shit in my real life--gotta keep up the front, you know?--so i really value the input i get here, especially when it's as thoughtful as it was this time around), and probably will do so many times in the future.
as far as the future goes, i'm gonna be making some changes--actually, i've already put a few in motion. i dunno if i can modulate my alcohol intake--i mean, when i start in, it's hard for me to stop (as someone who should know reminded me, addictions are really fun), so i may just have to lay off the sauce for awhile--haven't made a hard decision about that yet.
how will that affect the blog? could be a problem--see, in looking back over my output since the inception of guttermorality, most of the stuff that i'd describe as passably good was written when i was under the influence, so it may be a little dry around here for awhile (in more ways than one).
oh, well--i guess time will tell. in any event, thanks again to all of you who give a rat's ass.
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4 comments:
whatever, dude. write for you, and no one else. share with us what you will.
and scott's right--addictions are fun. Until they get you arrested, or worse, you wake up dead.
someday i might tell you about my experiences with them, then again, maybe i won't.
perhaps now's a good time to open that vaguely anonymous my space page and start reading someone else for a while.
narcissistic as ever, i am.
love ya. mean it.
You're more than welcome. Rat's ass given.
Perhaps the booze makes you think your (alchohol fueled) writing is more powerful. I think it's all good.
Well, a bunch of folks care in cyberspace.
Introspection never killed anyone. But, then again, you never get anything done.
There is a happy balance in life. It just seems really hard for you to do anything in moderation. You seem to either go all in or nothing.
Being German, I am a big fan of discipline and will. I will myself to get out of bed every day and get things done.
I would suggest having more will. Meaning, in my experience, follows.
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