the noblesavage ironclad rule of attractiveness

from a comment made by said faithful reader awhile back:

The hotter the outside, the messier the inside. 

We could say "uglier", but that is not really right. What I mean is that it takes a certain level of discipline and hard work to look really good...to have the perfect hair, the perfect body, just the right clothes and all the rest. 

It takes a lot of time and effort, and normal guys--guys who are kinda content with life--just never have that kind of obsessive hunger to do crunches all the time, or never eat mayo. 

That obsession usually comes from a certain neediness inside. This is not always true, I suppose. But I have yet to see an exception.*

and he would know.

as i've related previously, noblesavage and i started coming out at roughly the same time, but that's about all we had in common. while i was gay pretty much the same way i'd been straight (i.e., solitary and disheveled), he, ten years younger, went the circuit-boy route (minus the drugs, thank god).

in addition to hours in the gym honing his body to perfection, he spent untold fortunes on supplements, clothes, CDs, accessories, haircuts, highlighting, potions and unguents for hair and skin, and trips to circuit destinations (got those student loans paid off yet, babe?).

me? my idea of a workout was cruising on foot, my toilette consisted of whatever bar soap was on sale that week, and my idea of getting ready to go out was digging a clean t-shirt outta the laundry pile. i shopped at goodwill and cut my own hair, usually without a hand mirror to check the back (which generally turned out pretty much as you would imagine).

but lemme tellya, all noblesavage's work, time and money paid off. at his peak (which is not reflected in these pictures--that would come 20 pounds of muscle later), he was stunning to behold. i felt like a mudhen standing next to him.

and he ran, of course, with a similar crowd. one night when our worlds collided and i remarked on how hot one of his friends was, he gave me a sardonic smile and said, "always remember, mike--the hotter, the messier." i didn't know what he meant at the time--they all seemed so confident and together--but i'd find out.

it happened one night at a bar at the glitzy end of west hollywood. i was standing there by myself, holding my drink, fish outta water in my t-shirt, jeans and nikes while all around me preened the peacocks.

he was over by the dance floor--looking at me, looking away, laughing with his friends as they cast sideways glances my way. i thought, "hmm, pretty boy wants to go slumming, huh?", and first time i saw him alone, i approached, complimented him and immediately caught the mood shift, sensed the chill. fuck.

i knew from past experience how it would play out: three minutes of increasingly-awkward chit-chat with me trying harder and harder as his eyes drifted from mine and around the room, ending with his suddenly saying, "excuse me, i need to find my friends", no doubt so he could tell 'em, "can you believe that creep who was looking at me actually tried to pick me up?".

not having patience for the game that particular night, i cut myself off in mid-sentence, said something like, "you know what? i don't need this. good luck with whatever pencil-dick you end up with", gave him a winning smile and turned to walk away.  instantly, he was all over me, grabbing my arm--"wait--where are you going? what's wrong?"--and that's when the light came on, and thus was born

the guttermorality indifference technique

for bedding a guy 4 points hotter than you

1.  never, EVER tell him how hot he is. as counter-intuitive as this may seem, the way into this guy's pants is never through flattery--he takes it as a given, hears that shit all the time and will be over you in an instant. 

2.  never show a moment's weakness. he must be the weak one, even if only secretly. 

3.  seeming indifference is key. his insecurity script will kick in--the one he's been playing all his life--and he'll do anything you want to win you over (of course, the minute you indicate he's succeeded, it's all over, so make sure you can keep this up at least until you get your pants back on).

why does the above hold true, over and over? who knows--maybe because these beautiful men felt inadequate as boys and are now overcompensating, or they're still stinging over daddy's rejection--whatever; that's their problem and it's not the point of this post.

*     *     *     *     *

i went home with that guy that night (after reluctantly allowing him to talk me into it), and have since used this technique with fair success whenever i wanna bag one of his type (a case in point being this one, who will not leave me alone).

problem is, i don't enjoy holding back, treating guys like shit--it's not my nature. i'm an affectionate trick, and when i like a guy, i like to show him and tell him so. which is one of the reasons i tend to avoid well-kept guys who are 4 points hotter than me, even when i know they're haveable.

but you? if you like trophies and that's the pond you wanna fish in, trust me--this is the way you have to play the bait.

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*the possible exception to this rule being the very young, who, thankfully, can be hot without having to work at it.