[god, i wish i'd saved more of these--there have been so many over the years]
trolling through craigslist a couple years back whilst enjoying a cocktail, i came across the following ad [edited for your protection]:
to which i replied
babe:
1. he probably didn't realize he had 'em when he had sex with you--it's not like anybody cultivates the little fuckers like they're prize orchids.
2. it's not like it's a difficult "disease" to get rid of--hit rite-aid tomorrow, find the "rid" display [hell, the one at santa monica & la brea prolly has a big spotlighted pyramid of the shit right inside the front door], drop your 7 bucks, do the treatment and wham! you're a virgin again.
3. keep in mind that if you had sex with anybody right after you had sex with this boy [and we all know you did], you most likely passed the gift onto them without realizing it and they'll be cursing you tomorrow just like you're cursing him tonight [and if you're lucky, you'll all run into each other at rite-aid].
4. in closing, may i--a seasoned veteran who, unlike you, understands and has long since accepted the pitfalls of casual sex--just say that a case of the crabs is a laughably small price to pay for the opportunity to get naked with the boy in those pictures.
count your blessings, comb your pubes and get over yourself, cupcake.
as is usual with my helpful advice to strangers, i didn't hear one grateful word of appreciation in return. sometimes i think i'm just a lonely voice in the goddam wilderness, goddammit.
6 comments:
Well, I have always been fond of pets.
Crabs are a mere nuisance. It is scabies that are the true little buggers that you want to avoid.
Scabies itch all over and are much harder to get rid of.
But, truth be told, life in the fast lane is not without risks and costs.
The problem is not my casual sex. It is that my partners are not monogamous to me. That is why I have always admired the idea of the proverbial harem.
noblesavage: of course you're right--unlike you, those slutty bastards are not to be trusted.
You are a great and generous soul, obviously. People are fools not to appreciate that. :-)
I believe you may live very near ny younger daughter from the location of your drug store.
will: right?
and yes, i live not far from your daughter--i noted her location from your blog. next time you're in town, we'll have to meet for a drink.
He does look hot. I would risk a case of the crabs or any of other other ones that can be cured with antibiotics. LOL!
wat: you're right--he'd even be worth a dose of penicillin ;)
Post a Comment