so i was chatting online with a friend in san francisco over the weekend--he happens to be asian--and a sore subject came up; he said, "i'm so fucking sick of these racist assholes who specify 'no asians' in their hook-up ads."
and i tried to explain to him that you can't judge someone's racial views based on what makes their dick hard--there really is no correlation between the two.
i know plenty of white PC-liberals who have no interest in sleeping with asians (or latinos or blacks or whatever, take your pick), simply because, for whatever reason, they're not wired to get excited by that particular flavor. they may have friends of that race, they may champion the causes of that race, but they don't wanna get naked with 'em [and god knows i run across plenty of blacks, latinos and asians who're only interested in sleeping with their own kind--are they racist?].
on the other hand, coming from the south as i do, i know more than a few white guys who wouldn't dream of going anywhere near a black guy socially, but seek them out for sex. and since i've moved to southern california, i've met any number of white guys who laugh about all the wetbacks they've fucked and cast aside.
and how about all the men who fly to places like costa rica, thailand and kenya to have sex with kids there--does anybody really see that as an example of their racial enlightenment?
bottom line: don't automatically assume a guy of another race is racist just because he won't sleep with you, and definitely don't assume he's not just because he will.
[and did my reasoned argument make my friend feel any better about his situation? nah.]
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8 comments:
I agree with your bottom line 100%.
I have encountered as much racial stereotyping from guys who are busy playing the race condom (I coined it first).
Is it racist to be a submissive asian bottom? Is it racist to be a black top?
I know guys who are into muscular guys and would not dream of ever being with someone less than 200 pounds. I'm not sure that's racist, but it does limit the pool to play with.
We all have biases, some of which should be called racist and others that are called racist but should not be so labeled.
So, where does that leave gay guys? Just as unenlightened as any other group perhaps.
The insight here is that attraction can be socially mediated if not entirely constructed. As we internalize societal bias, our sexual tastes reflect these biases.
Does your Asian friend like really wierd, junky, hobo livin', chain smoking, hard liquor guzzling, cult movie fanatical, beat literary, slightly schizophrenic, adventurously globe hopping white/hispanic guys with a sweet loyal heart?
If he does - hollar at me. Unless he's biased about such things.
joey: makes sense, right?
noblesavage: while i suppose it's possible that attraction can be socially mediated, it would probably take a lot of work, and most guys just go where their dick naturally leads 'em.
tell you the truth, i think we're as picky as our options allow us to be--i've noticed, for instance, that as guys get older and their sexual options narrow, they tend to become much more flexible in terms of who (and what) they allow themselves to be turned on by.
luis: with a resume like that, how could he help but be bowled over?
My point is that where your dick naturally leads you is a product of your environment in part. Like the Burmese women with the really long necks from wearing those bangles stretching things out...or Chinese women with bound feet so they are a size 1...or American women with gigantic fake knockers...
Why wouldn't the society we grow up in influence gay guys too?
Especially now that we can get married in California.
MKF---
Just tell your friend that he's being sexist if he doesn't sleep with women. For that matter, I know one neurotic gay man (is that redundant?) whose own mother called him a rice queen for only dating Asian guys. (The mother wants a Jewish son-out-law, so she's a touch biased, if you were wondering.)
noblesavage: i agree with you; in fact, i would say that advertising and the media--which shape our environment in so many ways--have everything to do with the fact that, for as long as i've been around, the sexual ideal for gay men has been the white, all-american boy/man.
i'd also be willing to bet that if you talked to very young gay men today, you'd see that they're much more open-minded in terms of flavors they find appealing than previous generations (of course, i could also be full of shit in this regard, but i hope not).
hubbard: good point about the sexism :)
and you bring up another good question--is being culturalist the same thing as being racist?
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