a cat story

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mkf (2:14:24 AM): i've had drama with the cat today
mkf (2:14:28 AM): and i'm exhausted
mkf (2:14:32 AM): hell, we both are
b___ (2:14:55 AM): what happened ?
mkf (2:15:05 AM): oh, it was ridiculous.
mkf (2:15:11 AM): i ran outta her regular food on saturday morning
mkf (2:15:28 AM): so saturday night on the way home i stopped at ralphs instead of pavilions and it's the little one in beverly hills so they didn't stock her brand so i bought her--well, it LOOKED the same, anyway--shaped like little stars
mkf (2:15:44 AM): i was hoping it was an acceptable knock-off
mkf (2:15:47 AM): but nooooooo
mkf (2:15:50 AM): she would not have it
b___ (2:16:08 AM): ROFL
mkf (2:16:12 AM): and then
mkf (2:16:29 AM): on sunday, i went to work and forgot to pick up some of the regular stuff on the way home
mkf (2:17:00 AM): and understand, it's not like it's special food--it's just regular old purina cat chow--throw a handful in the bowl and you're done, what's the difference
mkf (2:17:22 AM): so anyway i come home last night empty-handed and she's like, so where's my fuckin food?
b___ (2:17:28 AM): ROFL ROFL
b___ (2:17:30 AM): that's so sad !
b___ (2:17:34 AM): starving your pet like that !
mkf (2:17:40 AM): and i'm like, you HAVE food--eat it
mkf (2:18:04 AM): she gives me this look then turns and walks away, tail limp instead of with its usual snap
mkf (2:18:38 AM): this of course pierces me to the core, but hell, it's late and i've just had the weekend from hell and i'm tired and there is no store for miles and did i mention she fuckin HAS food, she just doesn't wanna eat it
mkf (2:19:03 AM): so i went to bed anyway, but of course had troubled dreams
mkf (2:19:23 AM): and when i awoke, first thign i see when i open my eyes, she's sitting there on the nightstand, staring at me
b___ (2:19:32 AM): ok, that's scary
mkf (2:19:33 AM): see, that's the thing with this cat
mkf (2:19:36 AM): she never meows
mkf (2:20:05 AM): i mean, don't get me wrong, it's not like she's mute--she'll make little chuffing noises when she comes in or i come home--like little greetings--and once in a blue moon she'll mew--usually if she's been in a fight and she's stiff and i pick her up wrong--but for the most part she communicates with stares and purrs and subtle body language
mkf (2:20:32 AM): so when she wants something she doesn't make a sound--she just makes sure that wherever i look she's there, black as night, staring at me with unblinking eyes, judging me, finding me wanting--it's fuckin unnerving, like the telltale heart but with no noise
b___ (2:19:46 AM): ....
mkf (2:20:52 AM): well, i'm sorry to say it became a battle of wills.
b___ (2:21:18 AM): what??
mkf (2:21:19 AM): i mean, i paid SIX GODDAM DOLLARS for that sack of cat food
b___ (2:21:19 AM): good grief
mkf (2:21:28 AM): and she was damn well gonna eat it
mkf (2:21:35 AM): but no.
mkf (2:21:45 AM): she lasted all day
mkf (2:22:39 AM): and she'd do this thing--whenever i was in the kitchen she'd make this big show of walking over to the bowl, leaning down as if to eat, and i'd be like, HA, i KNEW YOU'D CRACK FIRST!
mkf (2:23:12 AM): and then, at the last possible second, she'd lift her head with this little sneer, turn her back and walk away from the bowl, deliberately not looking at me
b___ (2:23:24 AM): ROFL ROFL
b___ (2:23:26 AM): that's so sad
b___ (2:23:33 AM): she must have been so hungry !!!
mkf (2:24:22 AM): well, by ten oclock tonight--remember, she hadn't eaten since saturday morning (unless she has some secret stash somewhere, which i wouldn't put past her)--i finally give in and drive over the hill to the goddam store and get her some some of her precious fucking purina goddam cat chow, but then i think, ok fine--this other food is NOT gonna go to waste--i'll mix the two together
mkf (2:24:44 AM): i will allow you to imagine what happened next
b___ (2:25:17 AM): ROFL ROFL
b___ (2:25:21 AM): rejected again ?
mkf (2:25:26 AM): she runs over eagerly, bends down, sniffs--and then looks up at me with this "are you KIDDING me with this shit" expression, and refuses to eat
b___ (2:25:32 AM): ROFL ROLF
b___ (2:25:35 AM): too good
mkf (2:25:41 AM): so i capitulated, utterly and completely
mkf (2:25:57 AM): dumped the bowl out, and filled it with puro purina
mkf (2:26:35 AM): after a properly reproachful interval, she ate it, and then when she was finished crawled up on my shoulder and purred
b___ (2:26:44 AM): awww
b___ (2:26:45 AM): that's so cute !
mkf (2:26:46 AM): benevolent in victory, as always
b___ (2:26:47 AM): i love your cat !
mkf (2:26:56 AM): yeah, but she'd hate you
mkf (2:27:03 AM): as she apparently does all living creatures but me
mkf (2:27:09 AM): and sometimes i'm not so sure about me
b___ (2:27:34 AM): ROFL
b___ (2:27:36 AM): that's so beautiful
mkf (2:28:00 AM): she's evil
mkf (2:28:33 AM): but of course she's a product of her upbringing, so i'm kinda like lynne spears complaining about britney, you know?