seriously, this happened

.
so what's worse--being a moron or being an asshole?  you decide.


supermarket checkout line, earlier today

checker tears off my receipt, turns toward the bagger to hand it off.  i intercept her, wad it up and reach for my bag, which prompts the following exchange between the bagger and myself:

"she was handing that to me!"

"it's ok--i'm just gonna toss it on my way out."

"but it's got your name on it."

"huh?"

"i need your name."

"um, why do you need my name?"

"because how else am i supposed to say, thanks for shopping with us, mr. whateveryournameis--have a nice day! if i can't look at your receipt and see your NAME?"

by now we have the attention of the people behind me and both adjacent lanes.

"fine--here."  i drop the crumpled receipt in her hand, just so i can watch her smooth it out, paste on the fake smile and say,

"thanks for shopping with us, mr. . . . pluhar--have a nice day!"

i return her smile stonefaced.  "that's not my name."

"what?  looks down at the receipt. "but--"

"i've been using my old roommate's rewards card for years.  but if i ever see him again, you can be sure i'll pass on your message."

as the peanut gallery snickers, i give her a big smile, grab my bag outta her hand and head for the door, knowing she'd have gladly killed me at that moment if only the employee manual allowed it.