Somebody who thinks I'm smart asked me to put the budget squabble currently taking place in Congress into some sorta perspective they could actually understand, and after a couple cocktails I decided why not reduce the United States and all its financial issues to something relatable to the common man--like, say, a married couple living in Toledo. Makes sense, right?
Trust me, it will next time you're drunk; in the meantime, go with it.
Even though Joe and Ethel have been hit hard by the recession, they still spend as irresponsibly as ever and their expenses keep going up. Everybody knows at least one couple like this, right?
Joe and Ethel have it down to a fine art, though--even though their combined annual income is only around $21,000, they'll spend over $38,000 this year, meaning a shortfall of at least $17,000 that's gonna have to come from somewhere.
And it's not like this is the first year this has happened, either; in fact, Joe and Ethel have been living beyond their means for at least ten years, racking up over $150,000 on their credit cards, with no clear means of paying it back.
You might think with all that money Joe and Ethel are living high on the hog, but you'd be wrong. Even as our couple's spending has exponentially increased, their once-spiffy little bungalow has deteriorated noticeably--the plumbing's shot, the roof is sagging, the retaining walls are showing cracks and the driveway needs repaving--all told, probably $15-20,000 worth of work, easy. But none of that's even on the budget radar, because Joe and Ethel have other priorities.
See, I forget to mention that our heroes have a couple hobbies: Joe's a gun nut, and Ethel raises, oh i dunno, chinchillas. And these two all-consuming pasttimes pretty much manage to suck up all of Joe and Ethel's money. How could that be, you ask? Well, allow me to explain.
Joe's not just any gun nut--no, sir. Not content merely to defend his own backyard, Joe's decided it's his mission in life to remake all of Toledo in his own image, and to that end he's committed himself to not only arming half his neighbors, but injecting himself into their squabbles as well, both now and future.
But as expensive as Joe's little gun hobby has become, it pales in comparison to the mess Ethel's got herself in. Seems that since PETA killed the fur business, nobody wants her chinchillas--and, chinchillas being chinchillas, they just keep multiplying and multiplying and multiplying their little high-maintenance asses off to the point that their upkeep is driving our couple to insolvency.
Every year, Joe and Ethel sit down at the kitchen table to hash out their budget, but this year it's especially tense, because they both know things are spiraling outta control.
"You spent $6,700 on guns last year, Joe--that has to stop!" Ethel says with some asperity.
To which Joe replies, "That's nothing--hell, you dropped almost $15 grand for food and shelter and vet bills and medicine for the goddam chinchillas, and every year they get older and fatter and unhealthier and there's more of 'em! How many more years can we keep this up?"
Of course this last question is merely rhetorical, since Joe knows as well as Ethel that by now they're far outnumbered by the chinchillas, and denying them their due at this point would be fatal.
The back-and-forth continues for awhile like it does every year, each party playing their familiar part, until finally they get down to those areas on which they're actually willing to compromise.
Finally and after much drama, Joe reluctantly agrees to give up his Netflix, Ethel her Starbucks. And thus, $330 saved, they shake hands and declare victory--another budget in the can.
And yeah, you read right--outta $17,000 owing this year and $150,000 owed in total, the best Joe and Ethel between 'em can come up with in the way of spending cuts is three hundred and thirty lousy bucks.
All I can say is, thank god Joe and Ethel aren't smart enough to project 20 or so years into their future, because they don't even wanna know how many unfunded chinchillas that's gonna add up to.
And after reading this and shaking your head over the sheer magnitude of Joe and Ethel's delusional denial, take a minute to multiply each and every one of the above dollar figures by 100 million, and that's where we find ourselves today.
And by "we", of course i mean you.
2 comments:
I like your story.
But governments are not families.
The sovereign is really a very different concept than of a subject.
Deficits for a sovereign are not necessarily a bad thing.
There is a long-term fiscal problem. That needs to be corrected. But, there is a revenue issue as much as a budgetary issue. Take a look at this:
http://www.usgovernmentrevenue.com/downchart_gr.php?year=1990_2016&view=1&expand=&units=b&fy=fy12&chart=F0-total&bar=0&stack=1&size=l&title=&state=US&color=c&local=s
Revenue decreased dramatically after the Bush tax cuts and then again after the recession in 2007. There is a revenue lag that is not being even considered by the media or the parties.
I know it's a far-from-perfect analogy, but the analogy wasn't the point. what i was tryin to do was scale the numbers down to something to which the joes and ethels of this world could relate.
and when looked at that way--a couple 150 grand in debt and growing, and all they can agree to cut is $330--i think it puts both the foolishness and the futility of the current budget fight in perspective. and that was my point.
Post a Comment