why you should be scared shitless (part 1)

because several very unusual things--things that sure as hell got my attention--have happened in the financial world in the last two weeks (and unless you're either a trust-fund baby or a bum on the street, they should've gotten your attention too):

first, current fed chairman ben bernanke and fed governor fredrick mishkin each made very alarmist speeches, essentially informing the marketplace that, owing to extreme financial "fragility” and "turmoil”, we're on the edge of a downward spiral.

now, when's the last time you heard a fed head or governor speak this way? but wait, there's more:

on january 15, former fed chairman alan greenspan indicated the economy may have already entered into a recession (yeah, thanks for the heads-up, asshole--not that your easy-money policies since the internet bubble burst in 2000 had anything to do with it--but i digress). and then, the very next day, former fed chairman paul volcker said on cnbc, "the fed has lost control."

and when's the last time you heard not one but two former fed chairmen publicly say anything even remotely like this, knowing as they do the weight such statements would carry? but keep reading; it gets better:

then, the idiot bush (and yeah, that is his title, at least around here) came out and publicly acknowledged a clear and present threat to the national economy, and called for immediate and drastic action by congress (in the form of tax rebates) and the fed (in the form of rate cuts) to forestall same, citing "inevitable adjustments” that threaten to "undermine the health of the broader economy”.

presidents--especially this one--never publicly say shit like this; i mean, when's the last time you ever heard one of 'em utter anything but happy horseshit? (except carter, of course--and look at what happened to him.)

and then finally, in reaction to the global meltdown that started over this last weekend, gathered force on monday and spared the u.s. only because martin luther king happened to be born in january, the fed rushed in with an emergency .75 point rate cut to coincide with wall street's tuesday opening.

and, short of a 9/11-class emergency, when's the last time you remember the fed ever giving an interest-rate cut outside of a regularly-scheduled meeting?

the answer to all of the questions i've asked is either "never" or "only when the shit is about to hit the fan and it's cover-your-ass time"--take your pick.

but hey, don't worry--the fed's gonna make it all ok by continuing to cut interest rates (i.e., making the already-undesirable dollar even more so on the world markets), and by "increasing liquidity" and "injecting more capital into the markets" (i.e., going down to the basement and printing more dollars, thus making yours worth even less).

and the (republican) president and (democratic) congress are as we speak gearing up to make it all ok by collaborating/colluding in the creation of an "economic stimulus package" that'll rebate more of those increasingly worthless dollars to us, the american public, so that we can all go out and buy more shiny, useless crap from china that we can't afford. because it's this mindless snake-eating-its-tail consumerism, rather than the real and honest production of goods and services that drove the american economy of my youth, that sustains our country today.

for the moment anyway.