[this one just goes to show you never know what you'll find whilst digging around in your past for something else--or maybe that's just me.]
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i came across the following on craigslist one night awhile back [sorry, you'll have to click-and-embiggen to read]:
in the wake of this rather extraordinary post i found a flood of responses, most expressing sympathy for the victim and asking for the rapist's email address so as to avoid said rapist in the future.
seeing nothing in any of the responses which came even close to addressing the real issue at hand (and being well into my second mkf cocktail of the evening), i set myself to the task of saying what needed to be said; which post--for the brief, shining moment of its existence before it was flagged to death--ended up looking like this:
i distinctly remember not only posting this to craigslist at large, but then taking the additional step of sending it directly to the victim [unsurprisingly, i never received an answer, but i sure as hell hope he at least took my advice about the emergency-room hiv-prevention-protocol part].
next day i came back all sobered-up, read what i had posted [only because i was smart enough to take the above screenshot before it was deleted], cringed in morning-after remorse, thought about how i might've more diplomatically phrased my response to this poor, sad fuck (phrases such as "violated, cum-filled asshole", " shame on you" and " grow a spine" might not have played so prominent a part had i done this sober, you know?), and then wrote it off as yet another lost opportunity.
[of course, the next time i looked at the whole thing shitfaced [i.e, just now], i totally and unapologetically saw my point in the first goddam place--i mean, don't you?]
whatever--at the moment i'm more concerned that i did more harm to the guy than good. because while my jaded, drunken ass might appreciate a cold slap-in-the-face reality check, experience has taught me that most people prefer getting their truth in small, sugar-coated, doable doses.
unfortunately, that's not the way we roll here.
7 comments:
I don't see how what you wrote would be cringeworthy; in fact, it's rather tame for you, dollface.
My gut instinct tells me that you did neither harm nor help the sad bastard as he's not going to take your advice regardless.
I'm on the fence as to the legitimacy of his post anyway.
Something about the terms 'man pussy' and 'faggot ass' sound more lit-porn than reality. Too much literary detail, not enough substance.
Since I've never been a gay man (at least not in this lifetime), I'm going to have to assume that anal sex is anal sex is anal sex and head into the land of TMI: I've had plenty of anal sex in my life. Lubed, not lubed, condom, no condom, sput-as-lube, small cock, large cock, 'omgyouwanttoputthatwhere' cock and I've never bled.
Bottom line is that you were far kinder than I would have been--his story smacks of fakeness and I would have said as much. Life's far too short for subtlety in possible life-threatening situations (as they are presented to the public, in this instance).
Am I making sense? Sleep is still in my eyes.
judi: not only is your response totally legitimate, you might even be right.
but i had to go with the assumption it was real--not only to get the message out to the guy who wrote the original post, but to take a slap at all the lick-spittle responders to the original post who would so easily and delicately step around evil instead of confronting it in its face.
what i still can't get over is, while my direct response was so quickly marked for destruction, the half-assed equivocators' posts were allowed to stand for everybody to read for all goddam time.
pisses me off even now.
i also apparently suffer from 'verbal puke' and 'diarrhea' of the mouth (neither ailment has a precise ICD-9 code, mind you).
oh, and randomly, you might have your eames chair, but i have my stiffel lamps (finally, after 12 years of searching i have the *perfect* shades) and have been camped out in my living room for days. will send pictures...
Were you too harsh on the guy? Depends upon what your objective was. I think your objective was not to help him, but to rebuke him. So you were right on point. Is he going to learn from it? Perhaps. But I think you were speaking to a larger audience.
I read the guy's craigslist post and he was all excited because he thought he had hit the trick jackpot and apparently he has not had much in the way of hot action since the Carter years.
He keeps repeating all the common sense things he should have done, but did not because the guy was hot. Maybe the question he never asked but should have was why a really hot guy would have any interest in him in the first place (instead of him just chalking it up to it being his lucky day).
So, he's posting something to craigslist as a cautionary tale to other guys to think not just with their dicks I guess...use some common sense. I suppose he is standing up in the middle of an orgy and telling guys to not think with their penis.
So, in that context, you were harsh but true. What the hell was his objective in his post? Your objective was clear whether you want to recognize it or not, OK Dr. Laura?
I find nothing at all out of line in what you wrote, but your style would not come over as warm and fuzzy support to someone scared, indecisive, possibly completely or semi-closeted, and traumatized. That's not a criticism because everything you say is correct.
You must be aware of the syndrome among many women victims of rape that they simply don't report it--fear of "blame the victim", fear of dealing with a bunch of insensitive male police, etc. etc. He could have felt these things and others besides. That's not an excuse because everything he did post-rape was wrong.
I think you were flagged primarily because you told the truth to a bunch of people on Craigslist who don't want to confront the truth more than anything else. I have my own level of denial when I go out on a Craigslist hook-up but I try to keep it as low as possible, and at any rate the danger here in the countryside is a good deal lower than in the urban scene.
You're honest, as I've noted before. Honesty threatens a lot of people.
Good Lord man! What a dramatic post this is! WHEW! Lemme catch my breath here...
Yes, I totally agree, why hadn't this fool called the police and reported this right away?! RIDICULOUS!
judi: yeah, you totally reveal too much--and welcome to the goddam club.
noblesavage: i swear i don't know what you're talking about--i don't have a harsh, judgmental bone in my body.
will and wat: thanks, guys, but the truth is, i was a total asshole.
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