a most unusual day

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so today i get a hair up my ass for a particular book, but before i reflexively head off to borders i figure what the fuck, we're in the middle of a recession--let's see if the library has it.

i go on the l.a. public library website without much hope--turns out it's very well organized--and to my surprise find not only the book, but even an available copy of the audiobook version at a remote branch out in the hinterlands.

before i drive all the way out there, i call said branch via the number provided--and holy shit, a real, live person answers--and, again, without much real hope, ask if someone could go so far as to actually check to see if the computer is telling the truth and the audiobook is really, truly there.

to my astonishment, somebody readily volunteers to actually walk their fat, civil-service ass over to the stacks and do just that. i give 'em the title and call number, they put me on hold, and within a minute, they're back not only with said audiobook in hand, but even asking me if i'd like 'em to hold it for me.

when i get my voice back, i meekly reply, "uh, yes, that'd be great." and then, knowing i'm pushing it, ask, "it's a little far for me to drive today--could you possibly hold it for me until friday?"

and this is where it gets fuckin' surreal: bitch says, cheerfully, "would you like me to transfer the audiobook to a branch close to you so you don't have to drive so far?"

this really was too much; i gasped, "you mean you can actually DO that?!"

"of course, sir."

"um...how much will it cost me?"

laughter. "it's totally free, sir--we'll even email you when it gets there, so you can swing by and pick it up at your convenience."

well, as you can imagine, by this time i'm falling all over myself, slobbering my gratitude to this librarian for her extraordinary kindness.

it's only later, when i come to my senses, that i realize this was the first time in my twenty years of highly-taxed california existence that--even though i'd been paying through the nose for years and fuckin' years--i've ever gotten any sort of "service" from any california governmental entity for "free."

and it wasn't even this that bothered me so much--it was more my pathetic, groveling gratitude that freaked me out.

"good god," i realized, "even i, mkf, have become a sheep--simultaneously paying some of the highest taxes in the country and grateful for any small favor the government chooses to grant me."

i ask you--what the fucking hell has happened to us, the piss-poor descendants of the proud, strong, self-sufficient people who made this country?

a trillion here, a trillion there--pretty soon we're talkin' real money

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as a potentially pivotal week is poised to commence, here's a timely little quote i've been saving for awhile that i want you all to ponder for a minute:

We are spending more money than we have ever spent before and it does not work. . . . We have never made good on our promises. I say after eight years of this administration we have just as much unemployment as when we started and an enormous debt to boot.

when and by whom was this statement made, you ask? well, i'll tell ya: it was made by fdr's treasury secretary, the venerable henry morgenthau, in may 1939--you know, after almost two full terms of the "new deal" that was supposed to fix the great depression.

why is it that we never learn from history?

have ya seen this story?

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i dunno if your adolescent daydreams were anything like mine--more often than not, i'd find myself sitting in class as the teacher droned on, slumped in my chair and casting surreptitious glances around the room, thinking, "i'd do him...and him...and him...oh, definitely him...and him...and him...damn, i wonder what he looks like naked?....oh, and please, god, him..."

anyway, you get the idea. sometimes i'd even construct elaborate scenarios in which the guys in question were forced in some exotic way or another to submit to my will. it was fun, passed the time, but that's all it ever was--hell, i knew the closest i'd ever come to having sex with all the guys i lusted after in high school was in my own mind.

can anybody relate? i'd be more than willing to bet the answer to that question is "yes."

now, let me ask you another question: what if, back in those horny, hormonal days of your youth, you had come up with a way to make those fantasies come true--would you have done it?

well, tony stancl sure as hell did--and if he hadn't been stupid, he probably woulda gotten away with it.

* * * * *

picture it: tiny little town of new berlin, wisconsin. kid emails a bomb threat to his high school and is almost immediately caught. as the authorities go through his computer, they come across a folder in which are nested thirty-nine subfolders, each (a) bearing the name of one of his fellow male students, and (b) containing still images and/or video of said student, naked.

as said nakedly-depicted students are questioned, a pattern emerges. seems ol' tony had set himself up a fake facebook account, posing as a luscious young female, complete with pictures. he then, in the guise of said female, contacted the objects of his desire, expressed interest, and promised 'em nude photos of "herself"--if only they'd send nude photos and/or video of themselves first.

amazing how many of these boys--ranging in age from 15-18--fell all over themselves doing just that.

at which point it got interesting--once he had the incriminating photos, our boy contacted the marks, revealed the scam and told 'em that if they didn't have sex with him, he'd broadcast their nude photos to the whole student body and/or their parents.

at least seven (and, the authorities suspect, many more) of the boys did exactly as they were told.

* * * * *

you know, sometimes i just sit here, sip my cocktail and shake my head.