so i was chatting online with a friend in san francisco over the weekend--he happens to be asian--and a sore subject came up; he said, "i'm so fucking sick of these racist assholes who specify 'no asians' in their hook-up ads."
and i tried to explain to him that you can't judge someone's racial views based on what makes their dick hard--there really is no correlation between the two.
i know plenty of white PC-liberals who have no interest in sleeping with asians (or latinos or blacks or whatever, take your pick), simply because, for whatever reason, they're not wired to get excited by that particular flavor. they may have friends of that race, they may champion the causes of that race, but they don't wanna get naked with 'em [and god knows i run across plenty of blacks, latinos and asians who're only interested in sleeping with their own kind--are they racist?].
on the other hand, coming from the south as i do, i know more than a few white guys who wouldn't dream of going anywhere near a black guy socially, but seek them out for sex. and since i've moved to southern california, i've met any number of white guys who laugh about all the wetbacks they've fucked and cast aside.
and how about all the men who fly to places like costa rica, thailand and kenya to have sex with kids there--does anybody really see that as an example of their racial enlightenment?
bottom line: don't automatically assume a guy of another race is racist just because he won't sleep with you, and definitely don't assume he's not just because he will.
[and did my reasoned argument make my friend feel any better about his situation? nah.]
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
Monday, May 12, 2008
canyon view
.
weirdest damn thing happened last night--and it carried on into today.
as i may (or may not) have mentioned, i work wednesday through sunday, so as everyone else's weekend is winding down, mine is just kicking off. so i got home last night, ready to start my weekend as usual (i.e., haul out the vodka), but decided to lay down for a minute first. next thing i know, bam! sun's pouring in, birds are chirping--my little fifteen-minute disco nap had turned into a serious all-nighter.
at first i felt more than a little cheated, because sunday nights are sacred here in guttermoralityland. sunday nights are when i do some of my most productive drunk-emailing and -commenting--i have a public to alienate, goddammit, and i take that responsibility seriously.
so i can't tell you how strange it felt to find myself rising and shining, sober and refreshed, at just about the same time that, had the evening taken its normal course, i would have been staggering off to bed.
so here i am, a whole day stretching out in front of me, and i have not the slightest idea what to do with it (hell, i don't even have the usual morning-after apologies to keep me occupied).
because, drunk or not, i never get up anywhere near this early--ever; i am not, nor have i ever been, a morning person. the first two hours of any day are always, for me, the worst--it's when i'm at my most depressed, and i generally put off facing the misery of awakening as long as possible.
but today, for some reason, i woke up feeling . . . well, if not good, then at least not awful.
so, finding myself with this abundance of time in the morning, i did something else i never do--i threw open all the curtains and made breakfast.
and, standing here in my living room in my little pocket of the world--a calm, cool oasis in the midst of a big city--sipping my protein shake and looking outward with fresh eyes, i was reminded once more of why i live where i live in this city, how lucky i am to live here, and how oblivious i am of its beauty most of the time.
i was even moved to take a couple pictures, because i wanna remember this feeling (why i'm writing this goddam blog, right?).
here's a shot from my living room (you can click to enlarge if you want--and no, that's not some weird telephoto effect; the house across the street really is that close):
and one from the kitchen:
they say that the world gives itself to those who get up at six, and i can't help but think that might be true--you really do see things differently then.
now, don't get me wrong--i'm not saying that i'm turning over a new leaf and this is the start of a new trend or anything--trust me, this was a total aberration and it'll be back to darkness as usual around here in no time.
but it was weird, living almost like a normal person for almost a whole day.
weirdest damn thing happened last night--and it carried on into today.
as i may (or may not) have mentioned, i work wednesday through sunday, so as everyone else's weekend is winding down, mine is just kicking off. so i got home last night, ready to start my weekend as usual (i.e., haul out the vodka), but decided to lay down for a minute first. next thing i know, bam! sun's pouring in, birds are chirping--my little fifteen-minute disco nap had turned into a serious all-nighter.
at first i felt more than a little cheated, because sunday nights are sacred here in guttermoralityland. sunday nights are when i do some of my most productive drunk-emailing and -commenting--i have a public to alienate, goddammit, and i take that responsibility seriously.
so i can't tell you how strange it felt to find myself rising and shining, sober and refreshed, at just about the same time that, had the evening taken its normal course, i would have been staggering off to bed.
so here i am, a whole day stretching out in front of me, and i have not the slightest idea what to do with it (hell, i don't even have the usual morning-after apologies to keep me occupied).
because, drunk or not, i never get up anywhere near this early--ever; i am not, nor have i ever been, a morning person. the first two hours of any day are always, for me, the worst--it's when i'm at my most depressed, and i generally put off facing the misery of awakening as long as possible.
but today, for some reason, i woke up feeling . . . well, if not good, then at least not awful.
so, finding myself with this abundance of time in the morning, i did something else i never do--i threw open all the curtains and made breakfast.
and, standing here in my living room in my little pocket of the world--a calm, cool oasis in the midst of a big city--sipping my protein shake and looking outward with fresh eyes, i was reminded once more of why i live where i live in this city, how lucky i am to live here, and how oblivious i am of its beauty most of the time.
i was even moved to take a couple pictures, because i wanna remember this feeling (why i'm writing this goddam blog, right?).
here's a shot from my living room (you can click to enlarge if you want--and no, that's not some weird telephoto effect; the house across the street really is that close):
and one from the kitchen:
they say that the world gives itself to those who get up at six, and i can't help but think that might be true--you really do see things differently then.
now, don't get me wrong--i'm not saying that i'm turning over a new leaf and this is the start of a new trend or anything--trust me, this was a total aberration and it'll be back to darkness as usual around here in no time.
but it was weird, living almost like a normal person for almost a whole day.
Sunday, May 11, 2008
the only thing worse than being alone...
[text]
the following is the text of my very first comment to any blog ever--to a post written by the first blogger i ever came across (a natural storyteller who unfortunately and inexplicably abandoned his very successful blog almost a year ago with a post ironically titled "this blog is not abandoned").
anyway, this comment (a drunken, heartfelt comment, it goes without saying), made almost three years ago, ended up teaching me a cold, hard lesson about the blogosphere i've never forgotten.
see, this blogger had written a really eloquent, touching post about his parents--so eloquent and touching, in fact, that it inspired me to write my own tribute to my mother and send it to him in the form of a comment to his blog.
in my naivete, i assumed that not only would he actually read my little comment and be touched by it, he'd then honor my request to delete it afterwards--i didn't realize then that, unless moderated, comments just appear for all the indifferent world to see.
and appear it did--to my chagrin, my very personal tribute to my mother not only showed up on his comments page, it sat there like this turd on the cyber-sidewalk that all his subsequent commenters carefully stepped around to avoid--and boy, that stung. and, despite a follow-up email to said blogger, he never took it down. in retrospect, i realize he probably never even saw the comment or the email--i guess at that level of superstar-blogdom you've got bigger fish to fry.
but you know what? ultimately it all worked out for the best, because i was able to go back later, grab that comment and turn it into the best birthday card my mother ever got in her whole life--i remember her calling me the day it arrived and telling me how she sat there at the mailbox, tears rolling down her face as she read it over and over, realizing one of her kids really understood her.
anyway, she won't see it here, but you will. happy mother's day, ma.
* * * * *
came home from college one weekend and, as always, headed straight for the food. munching on something (i don't remember what), i perused the latest offerings on the ever-changing magnet-covered billboard that was my mom's refrigerator.
distracted by notes from friends, school pictures of the neighbors' kids and various clippings of interest, i almost missed the one that mattered--tiny, tucked discreetly around the corner, scotch-taped so it wouldn't get away, was a one-liner from what looked like the reader's digest--you know, one of those little items they stick in at the end of too-short articles to fill up the remaining space. it was short, sweet and to-the-point and probably nothing more than a throwaway line to its author:
"the only thing worse than being alone is wishing you were"
all of a sudden, a totally new insight into my mom: this warm, beautiful, charismatic woman--widowed young when dad decided to take himself out of the game, who had recovered from the blow (at least outwardly), had dated occasionally and even developed a couple of semi-serious attachments but always kept her distance, reserving the full measure of her love for her kids--was unwilling to settle for anything less than what she'd had with him, flawed though it had been and he had been (think of that mix of dark attraction and subtle menace that was clint eastwood in "high plains drifter" and you'll get my dad--lots of heartache, but a hard act to follow).
i never discussed it with her--never had to--but it's stuck with me ever since. truth is, that little quip has become my mantra. every time i lightly deflect a request for a second date (or a second trick), or get a too-close look at one of the nightmare 'relationships' that los angeles homosexuals seem so adept at inflicting on one another, i repeat that line to myself; it's served me well and i truly understand it.
thanks for that and for everything else, ma--i love you.
the following is the text of my very first comment to any blog ever--to a post written by the first blogger i ever came across (a natural storyteller who unfortunately and inexplicably abandoned his very successful blog almost a year ago with a post ironically titled "this blog is not abandoned").
anyway, this comment (a drunken, heartfelt comment, it goes without saying), made almost three years ago, ended up teaching me a cold, hard lesson about the blogosphere i've never forgotten.
see, this blogger had written a really eloquent, touching post about his parents--so eloquent and touching, in fact, that it inspired me to write my own tribute to my mother and send it to him in the form of a comment to his blog.
in my naivete, i assumed that not only would he actually read my little comment and be touched by it, he'd then honor my request to delete it afterwards--i didn't realize then that, unless moderated, comments just appear for all the indifferent world to see.
and appear it did--to my chagrin, my very personal tribute to my mother not only showed up on his comments page, it sat there like this turd on the cyber-sidewalk that all his subsequent commenters carefully stepped around to avoid--and boy, that stung. and, despite a follow-up email to said blogger, he never took it down. in retrospect, i realize he probably never even saw the comment or the email--i guess at that level of superstar-blogdom you've got bigger fish to fry.
but you know what? ultimately it all worked out for the best, because i was able to go back later, grab that comment and turn it into the best birthday card my mother ever got in her whole life--i remember her calling me the day it arrived and telling me how she sat there at the mailbox, tears rolling down her face as she read it over and over, realizing one of her kids really understood her.
anyway, she won't see it here, but you will. happy mother's day, ma.
* * * * *
came home from college one weekend and, as always, headed straight for the food. munching on something (i don't remember what), i perused the latest offerings on the ever-changing magnet-covered billboard that was my mom's refrigerator.
distracted by notes from friends, school pictures of the neighbors' kids and various clippings of interest, i almost missed the one that mattered--tiny, tucked discreetly around the corner, scotch-taped so it wouldn't get away, was a one-liner from what looked like the reader's digest--you know, one of those little items they stick in at the end of too-short articles to fill up the remaining space. it was short, sweet and to-the-point and probably nothing more than a throwaway line to its author:
"the only thing worse than being alone is wishing you were"
all of a sudden, a totally new insight into my mom: this warm, beautiful, charismatic woman--widowed young when dad decided to take himself out of the game, who had recovered from the blow (at least outwardly), had dated occasionally and even developed a couple of semi-serious attachments but always kept her distance, reserving the full measure of her love for her kids--was unwilling to settle for anything less than what she'd had with him, flawed though it had been and he had been (think of that mix of dark attraction and subtle menace that was clint eastwood in "high plains drifter" and you'll get my dad--lots of heartache, but a hard act to follow).
i never discussed it with her--never had to--but it's stuck with me ever since. truth is, that little quip has become my mantra. every time i lightly deflect a request for a second date (or a second trick), or get a too-close look at one of the nightmare 'relationships' that los angeles homosexuals seem so adept at inflicting on one another, i repeat that line to myself; it's served me well and i truly understand it.
thanks for that and for everything else, ma--i love you.
Saturday, May 10, 2008
and this week's "i love humanity" award goes to...
actually, it's a tie between
1. the skull-bong guys
these geniuses decided it'd be cool to hit a cemetery, dig up a corpse, detach the skull and make it into a bong from which they could smoke their devil weed. i mean, how fucking cool is that?
and they were the undisputed front-runners until along came
2. the epilepsy hacker
i really, truly loved this one--guy hacks the epilepsy foundation's website, finds a support-group page and bombards it with seemingly-helpful messages which, once opened, assault the reader with strobing, flickering images designed to send said (presumably epileptic) reader into a custom-made seizure.
so it's dual winners this week (and yes, byzantine boy, a good alternate title for this post might've been "criminals i'd fuck if we were sharing a cell" if only i'd had a picture of the epilepsy hacker to know for sure).
1. the skull-bong guys
these geniuses decided it'd be cool to hit a cemetery, dig up a corpse, detach the skull and make it into a bong from which they could smoke their devil weed. i mean, how fucking cool is that?
and they were the undisputed front-runners until along came
2. the epilepsy hacker
i really, truly loved this one--guy hacks the epilepsy foundation's website, finds a support-group page and bombards it with seemingly-helpful messages which, once opened, assault the reader with strobing, flickering images designed to send said (presumably epileptic) reader into a custom-made seizure.
so it's dual winners this week (and yes, byzantine boy, a good alternate title for this post might've been "criminals i'd fuck if we were sharing a cell" if only i'd had a picture of the epilepsy hacker to know for sure).
Wednesday, May 7, 2008
a dialogue (sort of)
reader noblesavage (a die-hard hillary supporter) had some thoughts about the candidates in general and yesterday's primaries in particular--i thought i'd respond to some of 'em:
It was a disappointing night for Hillary only because of the expectations game. If you were to say two weeks ago that she would win Indiana, that would have been a surprise as Obama was ahead in Indiana and way ahead in North Carolina.
i wonder, though, how different the outcome might have been had not many of its poor blacks been kept from voting due to the supreme court's recent upholding of indiana's version of the poll tax--or if rush limbaugh's "operation chaos" had not been in play.
Why should Hillary get out now? Obama now has enough damage that another hit would be potentially very devastating to his campaign. You will notice the Rev. Wright matter, part deux, was far more hurtful to Obama than the first dust-up.
she's gotta do the pleasure/pain equation, noblesavage--is staying in on the (increasingly small) off-chance that something bigger than wright will come along before the convention worth the hit she'll take to what's left of her prestige and stature within not only her party but the country as a whole? i mean, if at least a few of barack's supposed gay trysting partners don't get in front of a camera pretty damn quick, it's gonna be too late.
Hillary has stayed in so long, it appears, because she believes Obama is not tough enough and is not capable of managing the Fall campaign. She repeatedly told Bill Richardson that Obama can't win in the Fall.
if he can run this hard and this well against a team as smart and shrewd as the clintons, he can handle the debates with mccain with one hand tied behind his back. as far as the dirty stuff goes, i think the wright thing's done as much damage as it can (which may be considerable--we don't know yet), whereas the dems haven't even begun to scratch the surface of mccain's past.
I think Obama can win. I also think it would be a lot easier for Hillary to win. And the recent polls clearly bear this out. Particularly when you look at the cross-tabs and really get inside the polls.
i've been torn about this from the beginning: which would alienate middle-america least--the shrill woman with all the baggage, or the black guy who could be a closet racist? up to this point they've been playing to the choir--now it gets interesting.
In the meantime, MSNBC will be in high dungeon mode demanding Hillary get out because she is keeping Obama from his rightful nomination and all but calling her a racist for it (usually in very sexist terms).
that's both obama's weakness and his strength--post-wright, every attack against him is now gonna be characterized as racist. the repubs are gonna have to walk a fine line to avoid alienating the middle; and, frankly, if his back's against the wall i dunno that mccain's up to that kind of restraint.
I don't know much about Obama, but I find it interesting how so many people prefer the person they don't know in Obama versus the person they do know in Clinton as if Obama has no faults or shadow or human frailty.
baggage aside, the perceived difference between obama and clinton is, for lots of people, the difference between a warm bath and a cold shower. to me, the true tragedy of hillary clinton is that she always thought being the smartest girl in the class would be enough to take her to the top--hell, all those years around all those hollywood people, she never figured out what her husband always instinctively knew: that politics is show business. some voice and acting lessons, who knows where she might be right now?
The other part about Obama's message is he is either naive or feckless when he talks about bringing people together.
i couldn't agree with you more.
So, people are going to be "surprised" about Obama soon enough and disappointed if not "betrayed" by Obama soon enough.
He cannot deliver what he is selling. Even if he doesn't realize that.
yeah, this is the thing that's gonna be interesting--once he gets in, sees the big picture and reality sets in, and "hope" and "change" turn to politics as usual, there are gonna be a lot of very naive, very vocal, very disappointed people who are gonna feel very betrayed.
Get out?
Well, we shall see if Hillary takes your advice guttermorality. I doubt she will.
she has the opportunity to go out on a win, lick her wounds and regroup; it's my opinion she should take it. will she? that's anybody's guess.
It was a disappointing night for Hillary only because of the expectations game. If you were to say two weeks ago that she would win Indiana, that would have been a surprise as Obama was ahead in Indiana and way ahead in North Carolina.
i wonder, though, how different the outcome might have been had not many of its poor blacks been kept from voting due to the supreme court's recent upholding of indiana's version of the poll tax--or if rush limbaugh's "operation chaos" had not been in play.
Why should Hillary get out now? Obama now has enough damage that another hit would be potentially very devastating to his campaign. You will notice the Rev. Wright matter, part deux, was far more hurtful to Obama than the first dust-up.
she's gotta do the pleasure/pain equation, noblesavage--is staying in on the (increasingly small) off-chance that something bigger than wright will come along before the convention worth the hit she'll take to what's left of her prestige and stature within not only her party but the country as a whole? i mean, if at least a few of barack's supposed gay trysting partners don't get in front of a camera pretty damn quick, it's gonna be too late.
Hillary has stayed in so long, it appears, because she believes Obama is not tough enough and is not capable of managing the Fall campaign. She repeatedly told Bill Richardson that Obama can't win in the Fall.
if he can run this hard and this well against a team as smart and shrewd as the clintons, he can handle the debates with mccain with one hand tied behind his back. as far as the dirty stuff goes, i think the wright thing's done as much damage as it can (which may be considerable--we don't know yet), whereas the dems haven't even begun to scratch the surface of mccain's past.
I think Obama can win. I also think it would be a lot easier for Hillary to win. And the recent polls clearly bear this out. Particularly when you look at the cross-tabs and really get inside the polls.
i've been torn about this from the beginning: which would alienate middle-america least--the shrill woman with all the baggage, or the black guy who could be a closet racist? up to this point they've been playing to the choir--now it gets interesting.
In the meantime, MSNBC will be in high dungeon mode demanding Hillary get out because she is keeping Obama from his rightful nomination and all but calling her a racist for it (usually in very sexist terms).
that's both obama's weakness and his strength--post-wright, every attack against him is now gonna be characterized as racist. the repubs are gonna have to walk a fine line to avoid alienating the middle; and, frankly, if his back's against the wall i dunno that mccain's up to that kind of restraint.
I don't know much about Obama, but I find it interesting how so many people prefer the person they don't know in Obama versus the person they do know in Clinton as if Obama has no faults or shadow or human frailty.
baggage aside, the perceived difference between obama and clinton is, for lots of people, the difference between a warm bath and a cold shower. to me, the true tragedy of hillary clinton is that she always thought being the smartest girl in the class would be enough to take her to the top--hell, all those years around all those hollywood people, she never figured out what her husband always instinctively knew: that politics is show business. some voice and acting lessons, who knows where she might be right now?
The other part about Obama's message is he is either naive or feckless when he talks about bringing people together.
i couldn't agree with you more.
So, people are going to be "surprised" about Obama soon enough and disappointed if not "betrayed" by Obama soon enough.
He cannot deliver what he is selling. Even if he doesn't realize that.
yeah, this is the thing that's gonna be interesting--once he gets in, sees the big picture and reality sets in, and "hope" and "change" turn to politics as usual, there are gonna be a lot of very naive, very vocal, very disappointed people who are gonna feel very betrayed.
Get out?
Well, we shall see if Hillary takes your advice guttermorality. I doubt she will.
she has the opportunity to go out on a win, lick her wounds and regroup; it's my opinion she should take it. will she? that's anybody's guess.
don't you remember you told me you love me baby?
far and away the best "missed connections" of the week so far (and yeah, i do have too much free time at work):
so where do we go from here?
tell you the truth, i was looking to indiana as a litmus test for barack--i figured if hillary won big there, it would mean there was sufficient concern among middle-american democrats about his viability, in light of all this most recent wright ugliness, to justify her staying in.
but she didn't--and, apparently, there's not.
will barack's association with rev. wright matter to voters at large in november? i thought it would, but now i'm not so sure; i guess we'll find out.
regardless, the democrats have made their choice, so it's time to put those questions aside.
and it's time for hillary to get out.
but she didn't--and, apparently, there's not.
will barack's association with rev. wright matter to voters at large in november? i thought it would, but now i'm not so sure; i guess we'll find out.
regardless, the democrats have made their choice, so it's time to put those questions aside.
and it's time for hillary to get out.
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