Wednesday, October 3, 2012
my name for it is "gay stockholm syndrome"
he is that rarest of creatures on adam: an underseller. he lists his true age even though he could easily pass for years younger, posts nondescript photos that belie the true beauty of his body and face, and his simple description gives no indication of his accomplishments and charm.
the first time i saw that smile in person, i was so immediately bowled over that i picked him up, carried him off to his bedroom and did him semi-clothed. it was hurried and hot, made all the more urgent by the knowledge that his boyfriend could come home at any time (they had an arrangement, he told me, but apparently it hadn't been tested).
in the two years since, we had managed to meet a couple times under similar circumstances, but saturday night was the first time he had come to my place, thus giving us time for both our first leisurely fuck and the long-delayed post-coital interview.
i led with the standard "tell me about your first time" question. it had happened, he told me, when he was 24, fresh outta grad school, with his new weho roommate.
what he told me next would've shocked me back when i first started asking such questions; it doesn't anymore.
"he fucked me raw for a month before he told me he was positive," he said with a wry smile.
"what happened next?", i asked, although i already had a pretty good idea.
"oh, we were together for four years."
i don't care what you're hearing out there--a lot of our kind really aren't handling this disease very well.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
3 comments:
Any person with an ounce of self-confidence would have told a guy that was fucking him raw to go fuck himself.
So you wonder why this guy undersells himself? I think you should already know the answer.
One other thing: the Guttermorality post-coital interview needs to be standardized and published in a peer reviewed journal.
noblesavage:
as to your first point: you evince the same sorta outrage i experienced the first few times i heard this story. and in fact, sometimes the injured party does react in the way you suggested--hell, a few i know have even gone to the police--but just as often, the victim absorbs the blow, rationalizes it or accepts it as his due, and then lies down again with the sociopath. a psychologist might say that the perpetrator is merely exhibiting a different sort of denial than the victim, but i'm fine with labeling him evil.
as to your second: you seem to imagine i haphazardly constructed the beginning of this story independently of the end.
as to your third: if i had started writing this shit down in 1990 instead of waiting til 2008, i'd be giving kinsey a run for his money today.
the other point i forgot to mention--the crucial one--is that no gay man "with an ounce of self-confidence" would ever put his life in the hands of a relative stranger in such a way as did this one.
which is why campaigns such as "it gets better" are so fucking important--because even if a conflicted gay kid does manage to make it through high school without doing himself harm, there are so many other, subtler ways of suicide out there waiting to embrace him.
Post a Comment